wanderlust

For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” - Martin Buber

i heart susan

She was so good and everyone else so mean that it was but fitting that she would blow them (us) away on her first note. Greying hair and all. And "I Dream a Dream" was the perfect song. I am sure most of us don't even half her talent or more so half her grace. But it's just too easy to be cynical of seemingly "ordinary" people. And that is why we were wowed.

I'm a fan, not just in Facebook - I mean I AM A FAN.

Like how Mr. and Mrs. Kutcher are twittering fans.

Like how 30 million other youtube watchers are fans.

Like how the guys from CNN are gushing about her. Fans.

The world is her stage now. She is gobsmacked about it.

Bloody hell, the world is gobsmacked with her too.

Go Susan!!!!

Gusto mo bang sumama?

We're betting on what the first song will be. I think it's still going to be Alapaap.

I'm just glad to be able to watch it this time!

pregnant pause

She was in that comfortable place between wakefulness and sleep. The massage was so-so but welcome nevertheless, after a long day's walk all over the city she wanted to see. On a holiday. It was great.

"Miss please turn over", said the masseuse in that sing-song voice.

And then, and then.

"Oh, miss? do you have baby?", said the masseuse (who was an otherwise nice lady but this isn't her best moment) touching her tummy.

"No", she said too quickly.

"Oh, haha I thought you have baby", said the massuese rubbing it in, along with the oil.

Tomorrow she would be on that treadmill at 6am. Tomorrow she would work out all day. Tomorrow she won't eat another pad thai dish and that beautiful tom yum soup. Oh, the regret. The resolve.

In hindsight, she could have said "yes" and saved herself the embarassment. After all, she never really did like the stomach massage.

Besides wasn't Thai massage all about pressure points?

P.S. it's still good to be alive

I had been a little bit of this and a little bit of that lately. Cranky. Depressed. Bored. For the first time in years I wasn't frantically busy with work (which is a GOOD thing really) since I started with my new job and things were still being ironed out. I hate waiting - you know that feeling when things are up in the air and your next step depends on variables you can't control? That's my life these days. Plus i had a terrible case of homesickness when i first got here and that didn't help.

But things are getting better, I feel myself slowly emerging from the rut I was in.
I went to post secret today and this caught my eye:



While I wasn't entertaining thoughts of death, figuratively I was in a near unconscious state. My life was at a standstill and I wasn't sure what to do. Now I know. This can't be the end of my wonderful life, I still haven't got all I've wished for (in fact, for some things I haven't even officially wished for them yet). If you go by my list, then my life ought to still be really, really long. Until then, this postcard will have to wait before it is posted. Don't hold your breath.

growing pains

My cousin Little L is known in our house to be a drama queen. One day she declares, "I'm depressed, tell me how i'll be happy, I don't like being sad." It was amusing but also worrying because I think statements like that whether they come from a 9 year old or a 90 year old must be taken seriously. So we had many many many discussions about it. With me trying to wheedle answers from her why she thinks she feels that way using all sorts of methods. Tough, cause I didn't exactly take my psychology classes seriously; in fact i spent most of it making fun of my professor.

So I wasn't the greatest bringer of fun and wisdom she probably needed, take for example this ym conversation we had when I was in Davao and she was stuck at home:

LL: I'm sad. come home na!
Me: Soon, 3 days na lang
LL: 3 days PA. huhuhuhu
Me: find things to do
LL: Like?
Me: read a book, do your puzzle etc. I know I gave u a book di ba, basahin mo yun yung Little Women. It's a story about sisters
LL: happy book ba yun?
Me: yes

A few hours later, she's back:

LL: sabi mo happy book yung little women!
Me: Oo nga
LL: sabi ni mama someone will die e, huhuhu

See what I mean?

Anyway, the talks were fruitful in some ways. I found out it boiled to 3 things, little L's dilemma:

1) She feels lonely about being left behind. She resents it when people leave the house to attend to their own gimiks while she is stuck at home, being the kid. She wants a piece of the action! I got most of the blame in here considering that apart from my daily trips out of the house, I was going to provide the final blow of leaving for Vietnam yet again.

2) She was depressed that the holidays were ending soon when she was having so much fun. how do you tell someone to live in the present when that was easy to say but not as easy to do? when you were feeling the same way too?

3) She was depressed that she is turning 10 soon when she likes being 9 so much. I told her I have it worse cause I'm 30 and I miss being 18. Which made her laugh, a good sign.

I suppose in the end she will get over her fears and loneliness,she is strong and resilient that way. She has a full life ahead - i just know her high school and college years will be a blast. She will one day fall in love - or fall in love many times and learn from each of those. She'll cry too, but by then she will know how to better handle it. And besides she will have friends, friends who will be like sisters that she can tell them how and why her heart aches and they will be able to sympathize. I will be there too, always to listen again. One day she will be the one to comfort someone else about their fears. Maybe one day she'll end up comforting me when i am 50 and miss being 30.

When my holiday in Manila ended i went back to Vietnam, in the succeeding days I started feeling lonely. I felt like I had changed but couldn't quite place where the change took place. I could almost hear LL's voice that said "Sometimes I feel like crying but I don't know why..."

Only those words came from my mouth.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Since I moved to Vietnam, new year has been a two-fold affair. The "regular" new year and the lunar new year.

I like the idea of two new years. For one, I'm game for any reason to celebrate, which means I appreciate the eating, socializing and "holiday-ing" part. Haha. But it's also great because I can trick myself into feeling that i have a second chance, to seriously think about what i want the new year to be. Make resolutions. Make plans about the future. Promise to do things better - be less lazy, pray more, work harder, be more patient... the list goes on. Of course it;s another thing all together following through on all those things.

But the exercise of refreshing your frame of mind and being optimistic about new beginnings is fun. 2009 has many great things in store. I mean, it started out great - America (and the world) has Obama for a president! There is hope.


Happy new year and chuc mung nam moi!

bum in the city

So let's see, on Monday I officially (effortlessly) took on the role of bum. I am enjoying every minute of it - so far - and I'd like to share my recent discoveries about da lyf of da bum in Saigon.

Well for one, being a bum doesn't excuse bad spelling, so let's get that out of the way never to be seen again in this page. Apart from that, my other discoveries involve the main things bums busy themselves with: cafes, salons, shopping and surfing (the internet kind but the water kind is also great - if I lived in La Union. Someday!). Not necessarily in that order.

1) The best lasagna bolognese can be had at Java Cafe on Hai Ba Trung cor Dong Du Street. They also do great and healthy smoothies.

2) The best internet connection is at Mojo Cafe along Dong Khoi street. Seriously, I downloaded 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy in the 2 hours or so that I was there. Plus a full download of Open office. Love it!

3) The best manicure and pedicure you can ever have is at Jasmine Spa along Ton That Thiep. Nothing beats the mani-pedi they do in Manila, and for the longest time I have been trying to find one that comes close. Now I have and it's in Jasmine. The place has english magazines too (rare) and they put sampaguita in the water where your hands are soaked. Love it!

4) One of my bestest friends is vegetarian and as for me I have been attempting to be one twice a week, so I have been on a veggie mission the past 3 months. This relatively new place called Tib Express is found on Phan Boi Chau street (alongside Ben Thanh Market). They specialize in Central cuisine but there is also a great selection of VV - Vegetarian Vietnamese. My picks: Ban Beo (tiny rice pancakes) and the Cha Gio (spring rolls). They even have a special "fish" sauce which I have found out to be made with vinegar+water+sugar+chilli to mimic the Nuoc Mam (fish sauce and then some) that usually goes with the spring rolls. These 2 dishes are available in the non-vegetarian version too.

5) Still on vegetarian fare, I've been eating Indian food once or twice a week and my top picks are: the butter and cheese nan in Ganesh (Le Thanh Ton street), the Rava Dosa, Onion Pakora and Black (or yellow) Dal in Saigon Indian (Mac Thi Buoi). For non-veg, I love the Mutton Masala in Tandoor (Hai Ba Trung street).

So, R you need to visit me soon!

6) The cheapest hair treatment you can get is at Art Hair in 37 Pham Ngoc Thach. Having your hair colored will only cost you 330,000 VND or roughly 20 USD or about 970 pesos. They use L'Oreal products too and you get free internet (they have computers in line as you sit for your hot oil treatment!), and bottomless fruits and drinks. You just need to be patient enough to wait because the place is full even on a weekday. To my surprise, there are a lot of bums like me in this city, and apparently most of them are in Art Hair!

7) Best Shopping is still Saigon Square, where they basically sell the same stuff all the time. But if you have lots of time in your hands and can afford to leisurely look for not-so-common finds, you will be pleasantly surprised as this place still doesn't disappoint. A stone's throw away is Ben Thanh market, but it's too hot in there in the afternoon so I normally avoid it.

8) The best movie house is called Megastar Cinema and is found inside the Parkson branch in District 5 (also called Hung Vuong Plaza). Reminds me of the nice cinemas in Manila. Popcorns only come on 2 flavors though - caramel and salt. Yes, most people actually order the sweet kind. I miss the cheese or onion & sour cream flavored popcorns at home. Soon!

9) The best way to connect with friends who, unlike you, are still slaving their asses off at work is through YM. Case in point:

My friend, H: Kamusta naman ang buhay bakasyonista?
Me: Masaya! Join me...
H: I wish.

My Uncle, A: Ano bored ka na?
Me: Hindi pa naman masyado.
A: Ok lang yan kasi dito may 1 buwan ka pa para ma-bore. Lol


My former officemate, V: Hey, can you pass by the office again. We retrieved new files from the server.
Me: I'm not sure if I can still pass by, I've too many things to fix before i leave...
(you know like going to the salon again, haha)

And then, there are encounters with bums like yourself too:

My co-bum friend,R: Bored na ako
Me: Ako hindi pa, masaya pala to.
R: That's what you say today. Kalerkey, sana sumagot na ang __ (the co he applied with).

(Can you tell, most of my YM and Saigon friends are gay? Love em!)

10) The best internet site for the bum is Facebook. Change your status message every few minutes. Post a note. Comment on your friends' love lives. Comment on your pictures last weekend. Tag your friends. Become a fan. I'm a fan. Go FB, you save lives of bums like me.

The best life, right now is that of a bum. Until real life beckons and the bum turns into a corporate chick/dude again. But the memories of the bum days will always be there, ready to be relived again.

plastic dreams

Perhaps it was the plastic that came with the brand new bed that made her sweat each time she woke up in the morning or in the middle of the night. They were too lazy to strip it from its pristine condition until the summer-like nights (summer-like because it was actually nearing December, but the weather was searing) came and there was no choice but succumb to the state it should be. With that out of the way, she hung on to a slim hope that she would wake up refreshed.

Of course she knew it wasn’t entirely the plastic that caused such hot nights, but the dreams. The dreams that always took a turn and left her tired and a little bit empty. It was always the case of someone running after her or her running after someone. Or running all over the place trying to accomplish a goal that she can’t quite put her finger to (she didn’t know what the goal actually was except that she had to get moving). And then feeling tired, not-gasping-for-breath-tired, but tired. The chase never ended in anything sinister or devastating, no. In fact the dreams always felt unfinished, begging to be asked what it meant and when the next part will come. What was all the running for?

In the physical world she searched for answers. She googled it because like many others even though she knew that the internet had a not-exactly-great batting average of being correct, being able to type it in that little window felt reassuring. Like she was doing something about it. Or maybe it will lead her to a forum of “dream runners” like her too. Or to a magic 8-ball that would give her the yes or no or maybe answer she wanted. She needed more than a yes or no or maybe, though.

“dreams about running”, she had typed. She wasn’t to be disappointed because the information superhighway had answers. Lots. She picked just one.

“Usually, in a dream of running in which fear is the dominant emotion, you will find that you can either run all night and successfully escape the danger (albeit with a serious emotional drain), or you find that you continue to falter and stumble, making the object of your fear even more terrifying. In the latter case, try to relate the dream situation to a situation in your life where you are feeling incredible pressure. Sometimes a simple change of perception can solve the problem”

She didn’t exactly feel fearful, but she did feel a certain sense or urgency (over what she didn’t know), like she was running after time and time was running away too fast. At the end of the dream, she always woke up abruptly, always feeling like the dream wasn’t over yet but here she was awake again. And still no answers.

Google has answers though.

“Sometimes a simple change of perception can solve the problem”

It says “can”, meaning it may or may not. But it’s at least worth a shot.

Now she just has to figure out which perception needs to be changed. Maybe when she does she’ll stop running and walk like everyone else.

brains or brawn

Let's say sometime in the future I happen come up with a really good audition video that qualifies me to race around the world, which part of the team will I play - brains or brawn? That should be pretty easy to answer if you know me well, but for sake of tallying things because i have actually have so much time on my hands (time+internet=blog!), let' s arrive at the conclusion convincingly:

Brains

1. Map reading = a struggle
2. Puzzle solving = I like!
3. Using an electronic device = Pretty decent
4. Counting nuts = Can't be that bad
5. Deciphering patterns in a carpet = I cannot for the life of me have the patience for this
6. Memorizing steps in the traditional dragon dance = doable

Score: 4 out of 6

Brawn

1. Do the Tyrolean traverse = stressful, just thinking about it
2. Drive a car in the desert = combination of heat and stress will give me a heart attack
3. Balance 75 pots in the middle of a crowded street = doable
4. Run miles on foot = grudgingly, yes
6. Dig for a treasure chest and then carry it = only if my life depended on it

Score: 1 1/2 out of 6

I suppose that settles it.