growing pains

My cousin Little L is known in our house to be a drama queen. One day she declares, "I'm depressed, tell me how i'll be happy, I don't like being sad." It was amusing but also worrying because I think statements like that whether they come from a 9 year old or a 90 year old must be taken seriously. So we had many many many discussions about it. With me trying to wheedle answers from her why she thinks she feels that way using all sorts of methods. Tough, cause I didn't exactly take my psychology classes seriously; in fact i spent most of it making fun of my professor.

So I wasn't the greatest bringer of fun and wisdom she probably needed, take for example this ym conversation we had when I was in Davao and she was stuck at home:

LL: I'm sad. come home na!
Me: Soon, 3 days na lang
LL: 3 days PA. huhuhuhu
Me: find things to do
LL: Like?
Me: read a book, do your puzzle etc. I know I gave u a book di ba, basahin mo yun yung Little Women. It's a story about sisters
LL: happy book ba yun?
Me: yes

A few hours later, she's back:

LL: sabi mo happy book yung little women!
Me: Oo nga
LL: sabi ni mama someone will die e, huhuhu

See what I mean?

Anyway, the talks were fruitful in some ways. I found out it boiled to 3 things, little L's dilemma:

1) She feels lonely about being left behind. She resents it when people leave the house to attend to their own gimiks while she is stuck at home, being the kid. She wants a piece of the action! I got most of the blame in here considering that apart from my daily trips out of the house, I was going to provide the final blow of leaving for Vietnam yet again.

2) She was depressed that the holidays were ending soon when she was having so much fun. how do you tell someone to live in the present when that was easy to say but not as easy to do? when you were feeling the same way too?

3) She was depressed that she is turning 10 soon when she likes being 9 so much. I told her I have it worse cause I'm 30 and I miss being 18. Which made her laugh, a good sign.

I suppose in the end she will get over her fears and loneliness,she is strong and resilient that way. She has a full life ahead - i just know her high school and college years will be a blast. She will one day fall in love - or fall in love many times and learn from each of those. She'll cry too, but by then she will know how to better handle it. And besides she will have friends, friends who will be like sisters that she can tell them how and why her heart aches and they will be able to sympathize. I will be there too, always to listen again. One day she will be the one to comfort someone else about their fears. Maybe one day she'll end up comforting me when i am 50 and miss being 30.

When my holiday in Manila ended i went back to Vietnam, in the succeeding days I started feeling lonely. I felt like I had changed but couldn't quite place where the change took place. I could almost hear LL's voice that said "Sometimes I feel like crying but I don't know why..."

Only those words came from my mouth.