adventures, mommyhood, disclosure

Friday, 27 November 2009

November 23, 2009. Maguindanao

Words fail me in the lethal mix of anger and hopelessness I feel over the tragedy and how the Philippine government of Arroyo et al are "handling" the crime of her friends, the Amputuans. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, things just did. 2009 has been painful and difficult for many people, but in comparison to this everything else seems small. I pray for all the 57 souls who lost their lives. They each had a name, families, histories. Let's never forget.

Genalyn Tiamson-Mangudadatu+
Eden Mangudadatu+
Rowena Mangudadatu+
Manguba Mangudadatu+
Faridah Sabdulah+
Farida Mangudadatu+
Farina Mangudadatu+
Concepcion “Connie” Brizuela+
Cynthia Oquendo+
Catalino Oquendo+
Rasul Daud+
Henry Araneta+
Alejandro “Bong” Reblando +
Napoleon “Nap” Salaysay+
Bartolome “Bart” Maravilla+
Jhoy Dojay+
Andy Teodoro+
Ian Subang+
Leah Dalmacio+
Gina Dela Cruz+
Maritess Cablitas+
Neneng Montano+
Victor Nuñez+
Macario "Macmac" Arriola+
Humberto Mumay+
Rey Merisco+
Ronnie Perante+
Jun Legarta+
Jun Legarta+
Joel Parcon+
Noel Decena+ John Caniba+
Art Belia+
Ranie Razon+
Eduardo Lechonsito+
Cecille Lechonsito+
Mercy Palabrica+
Daryll delos Reyes+
Wilhelm Palabrica+



57 lives too many.

Rest in Peace. Truly you are in a BETTER place.

Sunday, 9 August 2009

the economist: wtf?

Well I for one am not reading them anymore. How very crass. And no this is not just a hyper pikon Pinoy speaking. Read it and rage.

Corazon Aquino
Aug 6th 2009
From The Economist print edition

Corazon Aquino, president of the Philippines, died on August 1st, aged 76
IF GREATNESS was thrust upon Corazon Aquino, and for a while it was, she did her best to parry it. The decisive moment came after eight hours of prayer at St Joseph’s Convent of Perpetual Adoration in Quezon City, the former capital of the Philippines. There the self-proclaimed “plain housewife” resolved that she would, after all, accede to the request of 1m petitioners and run for president in the election that the wicked President Ferdinand Marcos had just called. Days of humming, hawing and after-youing were at an end, and the people had a champion. She was the lady in the yellow dress, simple, bespectacled, plain not just in her housewifery but also in her demeanour, a contrast in every way to the stylish Imelda, who was still stuffing the boudoirs of the presidential palace with frocks and furs and shoes, shoes, shoes. The power, however, was with the people, and the people were with Cory.

It was a tumultuous time for the Philippines, a country that has never been easy to take seriously.



If you wish to continue reading this crap, click here

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Like losing a limb



Dear Cory,

I read someone say something today and found it most apt. That your death was like losing a limb.

I've been gone for blogging for months now because I couldn't find anything meaningful to write. And then you die and I feel like I have to say something about it. I think everyone has felt that way too, the need to express their emotions in some form - whether it was to line up in the blazing Manila heat for 3 hours to catch a seconds glimpse of you, or sprinkle confetti from an office building, or sing Bayan Ko with much fervor for the first time again in years, or to tie that yellow ribbon on you facebook profile, or tweet in 120 characters. From far away here in Vietnam your loss is felt. I saw it in the faces of the Pinoys who went to church last Sunday wearing yellow. I greeted my friend all donned in your favorite color with a teasing, "Hello Tita Cory", and her response was tears welling up as she told me how she had cried the whole night, and when she called her family back in Manila how her whole family cried too. I saw it in the Pinoys gathering outside the church in a somber mood, understanding without words being spoken how each other was feeling and what that sad day meant. Yes, losing you was like losing a limb.

What is it about you, people ask that brings such magic? That arouses such emotions? You were not a rockstar who mesmerized loudly. You were not like Obama with his charisma overflowing you could almost touch it. Not even like Ninoy, in fact, you were the opposite of Ninoy - while he managed to stir raging emotions with his highly-charged speeches, you were the calm among a sea of distress (and there always was much distress). Your words were measured, diction perfect, you were more than once accused of being a boring speaker. But you kept on and as you grew older the more you looked stronger, became more unwavering in the things you believed in: God, Family and the Filipino. It was ironic that in your frailty, you exuded strength. You had become everyone's mom - the kind that soothes just by her mere presence. Perhaps we were spoiled in thinking that as long as you are there everything will turn out fine. After all, without fail, you were there when it mattered. But even super heroes need their rest. Even the best actors need their final curtain call. Even you needed to fly away.

And so we lost you a few days ago. But Cory you were ever so alive as you journeyed past the monuments in EDSA, in Ayala for the last time. Did we really lose you? Somewhere, somehow you would still be watching and I hope and pray that when the time comes when the Filipino whom you believed in so much needs to ignite that fire again (frankly i think it's way past due), we won't fail you but more importantly we won't fail ourselves. You were the most loved president and today that shines through even more as we see the stark difference between your grace and the arrogance of the one sitting in Malacanang. We need your magic more than ever in these gloomy times, but I believe most of us also understand that the time has come to make it on our own.

Thank you Cory for all the love, the grace, the faith and the promise that wherever you are you are still watching, waiting, cheering and believing in us. We promise that we won't be lost forever.



Much love and respect,
The Lost Boys & Girls

Monday, 27 April 2009

wanderlust

For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” - Martin Buber

Friday, 17 April 2009

i heart susan



She was so good and everyone else so mean that it was but fitting that she would blow them (us) away on her first note. Greying hair and all. And "I Dream a Dream" was the perfect song. I am sure most of us don't even half her talent or more so half her grace. But it's just too easy to be cynical of seemingly "ordinary" people. And that is why we were wowed.

I'm a fan, not just in Facebook - I mean I AM A FAN.

Like how Mr. and Mrs. Kutcher are twittering fans.

Like how 30 million other youtube watchers are fans.

Like how the guys from CNN are gushing about her. Fans.

The world is her stage now. She is gobsmacked about it.

Bloody hell, the world is gobsmacked with her too.

Go Susan!!!!

Monday, 2 March 2009

Gusto mo bang sumama?




We're betting on what the first song will be. I think it's still going to be Alapaap.

I'm just glad to be able to watch it this time!

Monday, 23 February 2009

pregnant pause

She was in that comfortable place between wakefulness and sleep. The massage was so-so but welcome nevertheless, after a long day's walk all over the city she wanted to see. On a holiday. It was great.

"Miss please turn over", said the masseuse in that sing-song voice.

And then, and then.

"Oh, miss? do you have baby?", said the masseuse (who was an otherwise nice lady but this isn't her best moment) touching her tummy.

"No", she said too quickly.

"Oh, haha I thought you have baby", said the massuese rubbing it in, along with the oil.

Tomorrow she would be on that treadmill at 6am. Tomorrow she would work out all day. Tomorrow she won't eat another pad thai dish and that beautiful tom yum soup. Oh, the regret. The resolve.

In hindsight, she could have said "yes" and saved herself the embarassment. After all, she never really did like the stomach massage.

Besides wasn't Thai massage all about pressure points?

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

P.S. it's still good to be alive

I had been a little bit of this and a little bit of that lately. Cranky. Depressed. Bored. For the first time in years I wasn't frantically busy with work (which is a GOOD thing really) since I started with my new job and things were still being ironed out. I hate waiting - you know that feeling when things are up in the air and your next step depends on variables you can't control? That's my life these days. Plus i had a terrible case of homesickness when i first got here and that didn't help.

But things are getting better, I feel myself slowly emerging from the rut I was in.
I went to post secret today and this caught my eye:



While I wasn't entertaining thoughts of death, figuratively I was in a near unconscious state. My life was at a standstill and I wasn't sure what to do. Now I know. This can't be the end of my wonderful life, I still haven't got all I've wished for (in fact, for some things I haven't even officially wished for them yet). If you go by my list, then my life ought to still be really, really long. Until then, this postcard will have to wait before it is posted. Don't hold your breath.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

growing pains

My cousin Little L is known in our house to be a drama queen. One day she declares, "I'm depressed, tell me how i'll be happy, I don't like being sad." It was amusing but also worrying because I think statements like that whether they come from a 9 year old or a 90 year old must be taken seriously. So we had many many many discussions about it. With me trying to wheedle answers from her why she thinks she feels that way using all sorts of methods. Tough, cause I didn't exactly take my psychology classes seriously; in fact i spent most of it making fun of my professor.

So I wasn't the greatest bringer of fun and wisdom she probably needed, take for example this ym conversation we had when I was in Davao and she was stuck at home:

LL: I'm sad. come home na!
Me: Soon, 3 days na lang
LL: 3 days PA. huhuhuhu
Me: find things to do
LL: Like?
Me: read a book, do your puzzle etc. I know I gave u a book di ba, basahin mo yun yung Little Women. It's a story about sisters
LL: happy book ba yun?
Me: yes

A few hours later, she's back:

LL: sabi mo happy book yung little women!
Me: Oo nga
LL: sabi ni mama someone will die e, huhuhu

See what I mean?

Anyway, the talks were fruitful in some ways. I found out it boiled to 3 things, little L's dilemma:

1) She feels lonely about being left behind. She resents it when people leave the house to attend to their own gimiks while she is stuck at home, being the kid. She wants a piece of the action! I got most of the blame in here considering that apart from my daily trips out of the house, I was going to provide the final blow of leaving for Vietnam yet again.

2) She was depressed that the holidays were ending soon when she was having so much fun. how do you tell someone to live in the present when that was easy to say but not as easy to do? when you were feeling the same way too?

3) She was depressed that she is turning 10 soon when she likes being 9 so much. I told her I have it worse cause I'm 30 and I miss being 18. Which made her laugh, a good sign.

I suppose in the end she will get over her fears and loneliness,she is strong and resilient that way. She has a full life ahead - i just know her high school and college years will be a blast. She will one day fall in love - or fall in love many times and learn from each of those. She'll cry too, but by then she will know how to better handle it. And besides she will have friends, friends who will be like sisters that she can tell them how and why her heart aches and they will be able to sympathize. I will be there too, always to listen again. One day she will be the one to comfort someone else about their fears. Maybe one day she'll end up comforting me when i am 50 and miss being 30.

When my holiday in Manila ended i went back to Vietnam, in the succeeding days I started feeling lonely. I felt like I had changed but couldn't quite place where the change took place. I could almost hear LL's voice that said "Sometimes I feel like crying but I don't know why..."

Only those words came from my mouth.

Sunday, 25 January 2009

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Since I moved to Vietnam, new year has been a two-fold affair. The "regular" new year and the lunar new year.

I like the idea of two new years. For one, I'm game for any reason to celebrate, which means I appreciate the eating, socializing and "holiday-ing" part. Haha. But it's also great because I can trick myself into feeling that i have a second chance, to seriously think about what i want the new year to be. Make resolutions. Make plans about the future. Promise to do things better - be less lazy, pray more, work harder, be more patient... the list goes on. Of course it;s another thing all together following through on all those things.

But the exercise of refreshing your frame of mind and being optimistic about new beginnings is fun. 2009 has many great things in store. I mean, it started out great - America (and the world) has Obama for a president! There is hope.


Happy new year and chuc mung nam moi!